Am I an inspiration?

Am I an inspiration?


I am at a new housesitting address, where I am watching over a wonderful cat named Tibbe. This is actually in the part of the Netherlands where I initially thought I would move to, before choosing to follow my heart and soul and go for the UK.

I do like it here, it would have been a nice option, it’s more quiet, more trees, friendlier overall. But, it is still the Netherlands.

Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of stories and blogs about mental health and the effects of life, and how it is lived, on health in general. What I overall notice is that people are constantly striving for the same thing: success in the form of fame and material and monetary wealth, to live up to the beauty standard of magazines and media, to be happy all the time, to live the life of their dreams and to find their purpose in life.

But… what are they living up to? What are they following? Their own dreams? Their own souls’ path? Or are they following the rules of society? Of community? Of parents? Of ancestry? Of partners? Friends? Coaches and therapists? How many people really “know” themselves? How many people have been brainwashed by “the system”? There is so much pressure out there, so much competition. No wonder everybody is tired, suffering from burn outs or mental health issues. And when your body says no more, often it is numbed by addictive substances, excessive eating or extreme experiences. Shove it under the carpet. That only makes it worse. I observe so much disconnection, from self, from the heart and soul, from nature, from life.

This last year, detaching from everything and decluttering has left me feeling empty, alone, lost and very naked. I’ve had to ask for help a lot, I’ve had to learn to accept that help. And believe me, that was not easy for me. I am very grateful for all that has come my way this last year, so that I didn’t end up homeless or penniless. Gratefulness is an important part of the process.

I’ve had to let go of my need for perfection, of my need of outside acknowledgment. I’ve had to battle my inner critic, and fully accept myself in every way. And I am still working on that.

I’ve had to go deep within to look for my own answers. To defy the system, society. To not follow other peoples’ dreams or rules. Or fears for that matter. To let go of the feeling of responsibility for other peoples’ lives. To let go of the feeling of guilt for choosing me and not maintaining my relationships. Even though they sometimes appeared to be one-sided anyway. I’ve seen what some people see as “friendship” is not my definition of it. That sometimes they will only befriend you if they get “something” out of it. Especially in the hollow world of (social) media. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met some wonderful human beings through the online world, and some of them I really would love to meet in real life, and some of them I have (and that was awesome!).

I’ve had to look deep into what spirituality means to me, and how the spiritual community often isn’t very grounded (and even fake!). And how the mainstream community isn’t very spiritual. I know I am somewhere in the middle, and that is the best place to be. Not to float off into the dreamworld and other realms, but also not getting stuck in the material, thinking world. I’ve had to look at what really matters to me.

Basically, I’ve been resetting. Writing my book, my divorce, my soul journey to the UK and the weeks after that have been real eye openers. I’ve not had an easy life so far, part of that is because of my own character, but I have no regrets. I’ve been learning and growing so much this last year. I really believe every experience so far was part of my path. Nothing was “done” to me.

I am now ready to build up again. On my own pace. In my own way. I am still running into things, but I know that if I really want it, if it really resonates with my soul, it will happen. And people and resources will come my way to help me make that happen.

I still have fears and worries about the future. I don’t know what Brexit will bring as extra consequences. Yes, I am still human. Lots of people call me an inspiration, and I often do not understand that, but part of me understands that I am. I am doing the work. All of it. Inner and outer. Walking my talk. And no, it’s not easy, but it is rewarding and it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this alive. And I’ve felt deep fear, and panic, and hopelessness and depression. I’ve had times when I wanted to throw the towel in the ring.

Last week I realised that almost all the chains I had with the Netherlands have been broken over time. No job, no home, no relationship. Yes, I have some family and friends here, but there are ways to stay in touch. The Universe is literally clearing the way for me to step into the next part of my life.

Coming back to why I feel so many people have problems with health (in every way), is because they are not living according to their own needs, their own heart and souls’ calling. And no, it’s not easy to change, to let go of (often false) securities and go out there and live the life of your dreams. And no, sometimes it isn’t possible due to circumstances. But there is always the choice to make the very best of it. Not to complain about what life is throwing at you, but to see it as lessons and growth. Not to be the victim of circumstances but to take matters into your own hands and make it work for you. But then again, maybe being a victim is your life’s lesson. I don’t know, I don’t hold all the answers (thankfully!). I just observe and see how many times people say they wish they had the courage to do what I am doing. And all I want to say to them, stop looking at my life, look at your own and find your own courage. Turn inside. What is there. Don’t blame circumstances, often you did choose the life you are living, whether it was conscious or not. Especially here in the western countries. Be bold and go for it.

I often say I like being in nature and with animals more than with (most) humans, and I know that is because so many people are not “real”. They are merely living the life they think they should be living instead of the life they are supposed to be living according to their heart and soul. It doesn’t resonate, there is no harmony. And their whole system is saying: stop with that. But they don’t listen. Or they listen to outside sources telling what they are supposed to be doing with their lives. But how can those outside sources know? Only you know. Your heart knows. Your soul knows.

Yes, it’s scary. It’s not easy. But it is so worth it. Feeling alive in the way that is meant for you. If that means being an artist in any way, or jumping from a plane. It doesn’t matter. Do what resonates with you. Dump the rules of family, society and media. Do you. Unapologetically you. Unlearn all that outer “shit”, and go for it.

Know that if you do you will be supported. By those who really care about you (and not about their own needs and fears), by the Universe, by your guardians in other realms. Live!

Much love,


p.s. but do live in harmony with nature, the animals, the planet 🙂 No need for abusing them 😉



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