This morning, while walking Cheyenne, I ran into these amazing mushrooms. As I usually do when out it nature, I started pondering. The mushrooms were sending me insights. Messages.
I’ve been in the UK now for a little over six weeks, and progress has been slow. Too slow for my likings. With rules and regulations not making it easy, and Brexit “breathing” down my neck.
Entering the month of December got me in a reflective mode, about all that has happened in the last year. And how deep and intense this journey has been.
It made me realise that certain things will always be the same, because I am part of the equation, and as long as I don’t change myself, or my beliefs or patterns, things will never change.
Especially when it comes to money and income, I am challenged big time. The money I have left is decreasing bit by bit, and it is not being replenished (enough) on the other side. I realised that the different ways that money has been coming in this past year are no longer an option for the future. I haven’t got another house tucked away somewhere, not another marriage (as far as I know), and I’ve decluttered so much that I have (almost) nothing left to sell. I don’t have rich family members or friends that will “give” or lend me money, and I don’t have secret inheritances waiting somewhere.
So, I needed to start looking at income. But how to go about that. My energy around and relationship to money is not a very healthy one. And because I dread getting a paid job again, I decided to give my own business another chance. And I got help from my host and joined a six week program to activate my money miracles.
And boy, or girl in my case, is this bringing up a lot for me. A lot of resistance. A lot of grief. A lot of tears. A lot of insights. A lot of laughter too! Finding ways to stay true to myself and my values, but realising the idealist in me will have to give in a little. Because as it is, this human world we have built is still all about money. And money is used for good things, I have to keep reminding myself in that. And I can start doing that (again) too.
The tapping sessions (the program works with EFT) brought up a lot for me. And made me realise where my true passion lies. I always knew that, but how to make a living from that. If you (still) wonder what those are, they are all around nature, the animals, the planet. I do see that my true gifts are my ways of connecting to and communicating with the natural world. I do see now that it is my life’s purpose to bring forth their messages, to create awareness and help humans to reconnect to nature. Reconnect to that what they are a part of themselves.
But, how to turn this around and bring joy to it? I started to look into the things I love doing to bring this into the world. Communicating with animals and nature. Card readings. Shamanism. Writing! Oh my Gaia, yes, writing. Where did that leave the picture? I still love writing so very much! Taking people on nature walks, medicine walks.
I did a few test animal communication sessions, did a lovely webinar on pets in spirit, did a sound healing and rune reading for my host, looked at what it would cost to publish my second book with the publisher I am now with. Started the Healing circle again with Karin Monster-Peters, made a start with the Medicine Way with Jeanni Mcbride-Jones, announced an in person day, the HeartMessages experience day. I looked at recording meditations again. Tech stuff came up. Working on my website was draining me. I launched my year animal meditation again, something that was a success the last few years. I changed the formula a bit, and raised the prices. That scared the crap out of me. But I did and set it out there.
But not much came from it all, yes lots of positive reactions, but nothing in the sense of money or income. And although that has never been the main drive behind this kind of work, it would have been nice. Wasn’t the mindset change working? The tapping? Did I still need to change my energy more?
My host and friend said: well, you must be so proud of yourself for doing all this. And it hit me. It didn’t. What was wrong with me? Where is the joy? Running into the same fears and doubts. Again. I was so sad, and angry at myself. Why am I still only focusing on the things that go “wrong”? Feeling like a failure. Big time. See, I can’t do any of this. People don’t want it. My inner Gremlins were having a ball at the mall.
When I talked to Rachel Hansen about this, for the money miracles program, she said I was going through something known as goal-trauma. It happens a lot to (especially heart-centred) entrepreneurs who have seen launch after launch fail. They give up on the idea or project instead of giving it another go and they simply move onto the next. And the next. And the next. Never taking time to properly grief over what happened. Or tweak it a bit. I recognised this. It is what has happened to me over and over again, ever since I set up my own business. I never gave it all much chance. I just changed, gave up, started something new.
I tapped into this. I have a lot of goal trauma’s. I am a dreamer, an idealist. I had big visions, big dreams. I still do. But with those, big disappointments when it doesn’t work out. Again. And I realised this is not just in my business. In a lot of things I do, or did. In life itself. My marriage. My friendships. My dreams in life. My move to the UK. The process of writing and publishing my first book. Even though I try not to set expectations anymore, I still get disappointed. Disappointed in myself. I forget to enjoy the ride and only focus on the outcome. I forget about the seeds that I planted, and the ripple effect I created. I ignore all the praise I get and the lives I touch. I only focus on what goes “wrong”.
Looking at those mushrooms reminded me of a theme that is starting to emerge in my work, in my life’s purpose, or my soul’s path. It is the theme for the Healing Circle in December, the theme for the Medicine Way.
You see, life is all about celebrations, rituals, cycles. Sometimes I get so focused on the things that go “wrong” that I forget to celebrate. It is not going wrong at all. These are merely lessons. They are part of my growth. And therefore I need to celebrate them more. Be grateful. Release the duality of right and wrong.
Rituals are all around us, every day. It’s a ritual to let things go. Let go of patterns or beliefs. Often adopted from family, upbringing, religion, culture. By letting go through rituals, we make room for new things, new experiences to enter our energy. Inviting in new things is also a ritual. I do this a lot through journalling. Through meditation. Life itself is a big ritual. Celebrating birth. Grieving death.
And that again is all part of cycles. Never-ending cycles of life. I looked at the mushrooms again. They are part of this never-ending cycle. They use the fallen leaves and other decaying material to grow and reproduce. And they in turn help trees and plants extract nutrients from the soil. They play an important role in nature. Everything has purpose in nature. Nothing gets lost or wasted, it’s all part of this cycle of life. Even us humans have our part to play.
So, everything I am going through is part of a cycle. It is all meant to be. Nothing gets lost or wasted. They are all experiences that help me grow and plant seeds. Create awareness.
So, I end with a celebration. Of life. Of rituals. Of cycles. So much gratitude for all that I am g(r)o(w)ing through and I know that sharing my insights will help others. I know that stepping into my role as messenger for the planet will create awareness. Maybe not in the way I expected, maybe not at the speed I hoped, but for sure all as it is supposed to be.
Diana and the mushrooms of celebration, rituals and cycles.
If you want to know about all the things I have created for you, and am creating for you to help you grow and become aware, please visit my website. It’s been revamped and I’ve added several ways for you to get to know the knowledge and wisdom of the natural world.
I especially want to point out the Healing Circle I run together with Karin Monster-Peters, because in December we will be sharing all about celebrations and rituals.
December 21st, on the Winter Solstice (an important cycle moment, surrounded with rituals and celebrations), the Medicine Way will start. Where Jeanni and I will guide you through cycles with the help of the Medicine Wheel.
My yearanimal meditation is available throughout December and January, and I will give support throughout all of 2019 to keep you connected to your Spirit animal. Another cycle and ritual. And a releasing exercise is included in the meditation journey.
The recording of the Pets in Spirit webinar is available for purchase now, Joanne and I talked about the ending of lifecycles and rituals around the passing of your beloved pet. You can find the link for the purchase on this page.
And I am now taking on bookings for Year Card readings. I will do these during the month of December only. The payment link for that is found on this page.