Wow, what an intense period this is. The energies… the eclipses, the fires in the heavens, the Blue Storm wavespell.
I feel broken and beaten, I have been through so much lately, and that ended in me having a physical scare last Saturday. It made me realise I have been fooling around again. Not being totally honest with myself and others. Not aligned with what I truly want and what my purpose is in life.
I had a few days where I felt so much fear, panic, anxiety. Old, really old wounds opened up again. Fears I thought I had gone through over the past few years. Fear of failure, fear of dying young, not being enough, not doing enough, not fulfilling my purpose.
I think it was coming, the signs were there. I stopped playing the harp, stopped singing and dancing, not wanting to connect to people, including my husband, not enjoying life. I was comparing myself to others big time.
I was stuck in a place of survival. In many areas. I wasn’t thriving. I was laughing it all away, not wanting to go there and admit I wasn’t doing as ok as I let myself and others believe.
I went for the oh, others have it much worse than me, trap again. As I have done many times in my life. Writing my book really lets me see that pattern.
So, this morning, in the aftermath of the eclipse, I knew it was time to make some tough decisions. To stop and change some things. In life and business. And I know that in doing this I am giving myself space to create something that is even better in alignment with my souls’ purpose.
It felt like failure though. But, as with everything in life, it is ok to change my mind, to break down certain things and start building something new. Like the Spider that builds up her web again after the storm destroyed it.
I know I have to. The health scare and almost having no money at this time are clear signs to me it is time to make some big changes. I know if I don’t the Universe will do it for me in not so gentle ways.
It is all about finding my joy, my ease and effortlessness, my passion and flow. So, this morning I sat down and went through what brought me those. I had a reading last week with someone, who could sense that my Solar Plexus was low in energy, but that my basic colour was yellow-orange. The colour of joy and light.
This is not the first time somebody has shared this with me, or seen this with me. They all see this fire, this light, but it is dimmed.
She also sensed my connection to the animal kingdom, and the fact that I divide animals and humans. Weird, right? I preach we are all the same, but honestly? I place animals above humans many times. So, there is a lesson in there for me.
One of my biggest lessons in life is to love myself, be gentle to myself, and above all, follow my inner wisdom. I have been caught up most of my life in the should and must do things. Every time I wanted to make a big decision on something, other people would talk me out of it. I wanted to be liked and approved by others so much, that in the end I most of all ended up pleasing everyone but myself.
So…. back to the drawing board again. What do I really love to do, where do I feel alive and passion:
- Animals. Learn about animals, nature, plants, trees. All of it. I am like a sponge. I love it. And I love sharing about it.
- Music. Music can move my heart and soul, in ways the spoken word never could. I mean, would a movie be just as good without the music? Or a nature documentary for that matter?
- Writing! Oh yes. Writing. And the fact that I don’t get to it as much as I would like is stressing me out.
- Talk about the deeper meanings of life, on what’s going on with the energies. Deep, profound talks. I am a bit of a philosopher.
- Walk. I love to walk. Especially in nature. Climbing a hill (not mountains because of my poor stamina haha).
- Just be. Sit (or walk) and listen. Be in stillness.
- Be a channel: the things I create for my membership group, the meditations, my writing. These are truly guided. I never know what will come, I just let it come. And it is truly effortless, I don’t have to think about it.
- Spend time with wonderful people, but the right ones. Finding my tribe. But also honour my need for self-time, and be okay with that. No more excuses. Just saying I need some alone time.
- Watching sunrises and sunsets in faraway countries, spending time on a train. I love to travel and learn about new people, countries, cultures. And I really miss that.
I feel I have been creating a lot of things for others, because I had learned that I must do something, offer something of value. But. Am I not enough? The things I just wrote down. That should be enough. And it is. More than.
Now, what does this mean for my work? My business? My life?
We are in the midst of selling our house, and we are not sure on where to go next. I don’t even know where to put my relationship with my husband right now. I am still exploring what this means. So, committing to a new house and mortgage is a bit overwhelming. But I know I really want more nature, and more quiet, so maybe temporarily move into a recreational home for instance. We will see, and I am not alone in this. This needs more exploring and clarity.
In my business, well, this needs some big reviewing indeed. I have been doubting continuing the animal communication sessions for pets for a while now, but every time people were like, oh, no, don’t stop, you are so good at it! So, I continued. But, no more, I feel I need to use this gift in another way. So, yes, this might come as a shock to some of you, but I will discontinue the animal communication sessions with pets.
This will also mean I will stop doing the Speedreadings for Charity. I will find another way to support my favourite charity in this. I will do them the rest of the year, but stop them in 2018.
You see, I no longer want to do it for you. I want to do it with you, empower you to learn yourself. I don’t want to give you the answers, I want you to find them yourself.
This will be much more powerful and improve the bond with your animal and nature big time.
So, this is something I will start creating, but I will let this grow organically. Effortless 🙂 With joy and ease.
I will continue being the messenger for animals and nature, always, but do that through writing blogs and books, and through my membership group Down to Earth Spirituality. I really want to do more with that and explore the options in there.
I will start recording the meditations I already have gotten through and combine those with nature sounds and music I will make myself.
I am going to explore giving workshops in real life, maybe together with others. The options of creating nature- and medicine walks. And maybe organising retreats together with other beautiful souls.
In September I will be starting the Vibrant Healing Circle with Karin Monster-Peters and this will be a good way for me to learn to co-create.
So, that is where I stand right now. This is what I am going to explore the coming months.
As always, with love and light,