Patience please, I’m creating a dream….

Patience please, I’m creating a dream….


“Imagine everywhere was free to roam

Imagine if the trees could tell us where to go

Imagine that the sun could fill each lonely heart

Imagine confrontation never got a start

Imagine things will were always crystal clear

Imagine if the mind never interfered

Imagine we could fly with broken wings

Imagine if the heart could shed its skin

Please, patience please, patience please, I’m creating a dream

Please, patience please, patience please, I’m creating a dream

Imagine sacred sites were left to be

Imagine if true activists controlled tv

Imagine captain Watson had the final say

Imagine if industry just had to obey

Please, patience please, patience please, I’m creating a dream

Please, patience please, patience please, I’m creating a dream”

Xavier Rudd

This song is from Spirit Bird, a cd by Xavier Rudd, an amazing cd, with amazing songs. Not just Follow the Sun that has become so popular.

I had been writing a blog on sustainability, but every time I went back to writing it, I felt there was something off. And then somebody shared something on Facebook about (self-)righteousness. And that was it. It was judgmental. I am rewriting it now, with just the things I have done for myself and plan to do in the (near) future to live an even more sustainable life.

You see, I have but one passion, one true passion, and that is nature. In all its glory. Nature to me is the planet, the earth, the rivers, the winds, the trees, the plants, the animals, everything. Even humans, as we too are nature, but they are not my priority. There are enough people out there that have people as a priority.

Being human is probably my biggest struggle in life, I guess it’s what I came here to learn. To be human. To experience the human form, the human thinking, the human feeling. And it’s not easy. I love the pure, authentic simplicity of the natural world. And somehow, I haven’t found that in the human world. Well maybe here and there, but not in general.

I am a dreamer, and I am not the only one. Another great song, by another dreamer. But right now, I am on a mission to get those dreams come true. I cannot do it for the whole of humanity, but I can do it for myself, and maybe by doing this without judging or feeling (self-)righteous, I can inspire others. To wake up just a little. To be more conscious just a little. Every step is a step, no matter how big or small. And I truly feel that once the process of waking up has begun (and it has) it will at one point tip the scale. It will become “contagious”. Humans will start to realise what really matters. That it is not money, status, material wealth and growth, but love, experience, inner growth, connection.

For me, that will start with coming home to myself. The next step on this journey is travelling to a country (known as the UK) that will help me in this process, as the land there feels so familiar. With my dog Cheyenne, who is on a similar soul journey. We are kindred spirits. And I feel we have spent many lives together, not just in this dimension.

With everything I do, I decide, I think about the impact it will have on the planet, on the animals, the climate. I feel I need to leave this vessel with nothing, just as I came in. Well, nothing in the material sense of the word. But filled with experiences and lessons. I truly want to live a humbler life, not own anything anymore, or not much.

I not so long ago had a discussion with someone about money, and at one point she asked, so you think money corrupts? And I said yes. Because I see this happening all the time. The need for more, more money, more stuff. I feel it corrupts. Maybe not always in big ways, but I have seen many people throw their ideas and values overboard once they had the opportunity to earn more money or gain more status. Sure, not every time, but still. It truly requires a different mindset, not just on a personal level, but on the level of the whole of humanity, that acquiring money and status are not the meaning of life.

I remember when working with business coaches on my “money blocks” them stating money follows joy. I find that hard to swallow, seeing how much money people have that get this through exploiting others, children, animals, nature, the planet. If they have joy in doing that, it would mean even more reason for me to pull back from society and live a humble life. With only enough money to “survive”.

Something else I have been doing lately is diving into what truly brings me joy, and yes, I do need some money for that, as this society still is based on money as means of exchange, but they are fairly simple. Nature brings me joy. The animals bring me joy. Travelling brings me joy (but not in the fast lane). Meditating brings me joy. Music brings me joy. Healthy foods bring me joy. Dancing brings me joy. Singing brings me joy. Deep, meaningful conversations bring me joy. As you see, not much in there that requires that much money.

The one thing that I did encounter though that costs a lot of money and is filled with so many rules and regulations is housing. And the costs that come with that. Especially on this part I am so lost about what I want.

And so, yes, I will be travelling for a while. And yes, to the UK, as I always feel more at ease there, more inspired, more at home if you will. And being away from certain responsibilities and influences to help me get a clear head. To rediscover who I truly am behind all those roles I have played thus far. Who am I if I am not a wife, daughter, sister, friend, caretaker. And other parts that I have taken on now and in the past.

I do have visions, I have had these visions for many years. Of me living in a simple home, in the forest, with lakes nearby, with animals and a small vegetable garden. Where I can watch the sun come up and set again. Dance in the rain. And enjoy life with just being. With some reading. With writing. Maybe that is all I need.

How to get there without money or a steady income, that is something I hope to get some guidance on during my trip. Maybe it will be writing, and nothing more than that. During the trip, I also plan to do a pilgrimage, where I am really on my own for a few days, just with Cheyenne-dog. To come home to me most of all.

Because I do know what I don’t like and don’t want anymore. Things I have tried, things others said I would be good at. Following other people’s rules, societies rules. No more, I am going to follow my inner compass from now on. Because I have experienced what feeling good feels like, and they were often when I followed my own rules.

I am not a salesperson, I am not a coach, I am not a traditional teacher. I don’t like selling, I don’t like to point people to their pain. I am tired of people not taking responsibilities and just waiting for someone to fix it all for them. Whether that’s a therapist, a coach, a doctor, a partner, a family member, a friend, a pet even. Who keep shopping around and not ever really do the work. I am tired of people pointing fingers at others when it comes to the environment, the planet, pollution. We all play our part in that, including me. I am still not at the point where I want to be in taking my responsibilities for the planet. I am done with working on my blocks and limiting beliefs, dealing with my past and more. It is all there, I can’t change that, I can’t rewrite the outcome. I don’t want to blame my past for who I am today. I don’t want to blame anyone from my past for who I am today. Only I can determine who I am today. I don’t want people saying to me that there is something wrong with me if I don’t want to grow in my business, have more clients, money or possessions. They really don’t know or understand me if they do. I don’t want to have a conventional relationship anymore, I above all want my freedom and simplicity. No more expectations, no more should do’s or should be’s.

So, you see, I am already pretty clear on what I want and don’t want, but how to get there, that is the challenge.

Yes, there is fear, there is anxiety on taking these steps. Steps towards a world that is so different from what I grew up in. A world that is so alien to so many. But I feel I have to. Creating a new paradigm takes courage. And steps into the unknown. And connecting to like-minded spirits. No more following of false guru’s, the so-called spiritual people that basically have inflated egos. Not a power based connection, but equality and respect.

So, here I go, towards an external life that is more in alignment with my internal world. No more faking it. Ready to walk my talk and be one with nature again. So maybe a better title of this blog is Patience please, I’m realising a dream…..

And I am truly grateful for those who make it possible for me to do this, thank you. You know who you are.






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