Well, it’s almost time. Coming Monday I will be leaving for my road trip/pilgrimage through the UK. I actually call it my soul journey, because it is a way for me to fully reset. After everything that has happened the past few years. And how I have lost myself, my path, my way.
Not that it’s been all bad, on the contrary. But…. What I have come to realise in the process of writing my book is that I have been a people pleaser for far too long. Always thinking of others, in everything I do. Maybe some of my choices have seemed egocentric, but then there was an idea of a higher purpose behind it. Of being of service to others, the animals, the planet. I have never really done anything truly for myself. Until now. This trip is truly for me.
The journey has already begun. With making choices and decisions along the way. Testing things out. But also in letting go of always thinking of others. Of my now ex-husband, my mother, my sister, my friends, my pets, my business and so on. The idea of packing my stuff and going away for a few weeks is bringing me a sense of joy, freedom, excitement, fear, doubt, anxiety. Everything you can imagine. When I look at the dog that is staying behind, and the cats, I tear up every time. I have to let go. I have to trust that they will be fine with my ex. He is a great guy, even if we don’t fit anymore, and I know he loves them, so I just need to let go of that responsibility. I need to let go of the worries around my sister, now having to cope with everything around my mother on her own for a while. I need to let go of the worries for the future and just live in the present. I am not clear on where I will end up when I get back. Where my “own” place will be. What kind of work I will do. What kind of tribe I want to connect with.
I will be offline as much as possible, really be with myself, my dog, nature, and everything that will come onto my path. It is time to choose my own path now, and no longer follow other people’s ways. To break free from the norms of society, to live a free life as much as possible. To make choices that bring me joy, instead of them being wise and sensible choices. Choices because of the fear of losing control. I am hitting the reset button.
I need to be away from the people I know (and love) for a while, because I need to find out what I, what my heart and soul, truly long for. Away from well-meant worries and advice. Away from outside influences. Find a sense of confidence in my own choices. Not let other people’s opinions and fears influence my choices anymore.
So, yes, I am ready for this. And I am not. But I am going to do it anyway. Because my heart and soul are telling me to do this.
I will check in with you all in a few weeks but for now, please remember to embrace and enjoy life, whenever and wherever you can. Life will always have challenges for you, but every day holds special moments. Look for those when you feel it all becomes too much. Look into the eyes of your child, your dog. Be with a flower, a tree. Watch the honeybees gathering the pollen as if they weren’t endangered. Watch the clouds in the skies, the stars at night. Life is beautiful, but sometimes we forget how beautiful it can be.