Nature is my church. This is my truth. When I am deprived of nature for too long, I get anxious and depressed. I always wondered why. I am not a person that is bothered by addictions, except this one.
Many say nature is everywhere, and whilst that is certainly true, we ourselves are nature after all, being in nature is something else for me. It goes beyond.
It is the silence I miss. It is the kind of silence that resonates with my soul.
But nature is full of sounds I hear you think. Yes, it is. And maybe silence isn’t the right word, maybe stillness is a better word.
Those of you who have been following my story the last few years know that I have been looking for clarity, for a purpose.
Last year I decided to get rid of all the outer clutter, literally and figuratively, to get this clarity from within. I let go of coaches, mentors, therapists. And I also let go of stuff, a lot of stuff. I even ended up letting go of my marriage, and some relationships.
It feels like going back to basics. Getting rid of everything I have taken on over the years. Back to who I truly am. Behind all the masks and roles.
Writing my book, which turns out to be a real-life changer, has already helped me get clarity. On how I lost myself along the way. On how I started living my life for everyone but me.
Part of this inner path is also to rekindle my inner flame and find what brings me joy. What I truly love in life.
Nature is, and always has been, the most important source of inspiration to me. I am in love with nature, our beautiful planet, the animals, the plants. This is what most of all stirs my feelings and emotions.
And to some extent, I am also falling in love with myself again, and part of humanity. It is the animals, never giving up on us, that inspire me to do this. With everything we are doing to them and the planet, our amazing home, they still love us and want us to thrive.
Something else that brings me joy is music. Especially classical music.
Last week I was out in nature, well as good as it gets where I live right now anyway, and suddenly it struck me. The common thread in my life. What I seek most of all. It’s harmony.
When I am out in nature, everything makes sense. All the sounds, the noises, the smells. They are meant to be there. When I am in areas occupied by humans, I get a sensory overload. Noises, smells, energies. And because I pick up so much, I also pick up on all the inner noise and clutter. Nature is harmony, it is like a symphony to me. When I am out in nature, I often hear classical music in my mind.
The sounds of the birds, the whispers of the trees, the low rumbling of the earth, the sighs of the winds, the chime-like sounds of the water. It’s all in tune, in harmony. It’s real. It’s true. There are no masks, no roles, no hidden agendas. The communication is clear and honest.
The human world is not in harmony, at least not to me. There are too many voices, thoughts, opinions, judgements. Humans say this but think that. Humans smile at me, but judge the way I look. I know, I do it too. That’s the worst part of it. In nature, I don’t do this. I am fully me. I feel safe enough to be me. I feel safe enough to just be.
When I needed to get out not so long ago, I just went and took a ride on the train, just being for a while. But everyone around me was doing. And not in (real) connection to each other, not in connection with nature. They were busy on their phones, reading newspapers, working on their laptops, talking about how hard life is. What if we could just be together on the train. In stillness. It wouldn’t be silent, but it would be still.
The connection between the human world and the natural world is off. We are filled with clutter, there is too much noise on the line. We are always busy. Doing things. Nature allows me to just be. When I just am in the human world I feel pressure, judgment. She is lazy, she is weird, she should just follow the rules.
No more. No more. I am no longer doing this. I will allow myself to fully be. Who I am. No more should do, should be. Just me. Like the trees that embrace me. The animals that accept me.
The human world needs cleaning, clearing. Clearing of clutter. Of old ways. Of conditioning. Everything is conditioned. When I stepped back and started to think for myself, I saw the illusions of the human world. I saw the stories we tell ourselves, that we are told. How we are slaves to the systems, and we think the lives we lead are how it is supposed to be. That’s just the way it works, how society works. These lines no longer work for me. If you are not happy, change. Change within, be the change. Don’t wait until someone else changes it for you.
It’s funny how we no longer live up to our own words. When you meet someone you, for whatever reason, are attracted to, you just want to BE with them. But we no longer know how to BE with someone. We only know how to DO. I’ve tried this. Asked people to join me on nature walks and just be. No talking. Just being. Be part of nature. Observe. Feel. Nothing more. No goals, no learning, no judgments. Just feeling one with all. I still haven’t been on a walk with someone who was able to do this. They say it’s human nature. The need for learning, growth, exploring. That may be true, but we have taken this way too far. It has caused us to not be able to be anymore. Just be. We are human BEings, not human DOings, think about that.
I didn’t know how to be. For a long time. As children, we do know. How to just be. I could sit with the ants for hours and just watch them. No goal. Just be. Let my mind wander. As a child, I was very creative. I sang, I danced, I made drawings. Because I could just be and let my mind wander. Because I could just feel. This is coming back. But I only feel like this in nature, with music. When there is harmony. When everything is a symphony.
It is not silence. It is stillness. The ability to just be.
Everything I’ve explored so far has been about doing. Achieving. Setting goals. What if the purpose of life is to just be. Nothing more, nothing less. Still our minds and enjoy. Create harmony. Join in on the symphony of life. I see so many on a constant quest, and not many finding what they are looking for. I am the happiest when I am in nature, with animals, listening to music. I can be happy being with myself. I can be happy being with a friend. I am not happy in a crowd. I am not happy when there is sensory or chemical overload. I am accepting all of this.
I am exploring ways to lead a simple life, where I can most of all spend my time with just being. Being in harmony with myself, with the natural world, and maybe one day with the human world. But I am no longer forcing myself to do that last one. No more pushing. No more gathering outside knowledge. No more people telling me what I should do, how I should behave, no more labels. Just being myself.
I feel my purpose lies in the written word. And maybe learn people how to be (it involves a lot of unlearning!). And even in this, no pushing. Just letting it all be born from a place of stillness, a place of harmony. No more deadlines. No more goal setting. No more pressure of being the best, no more competition. No more material or financial growth. Just harmony. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.