To be or not to be?

To be or not to be?

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We all know this famous quote. Or don’t we?

I’ve been a bit of a philosopher all my life, always wanting to know the deeper meaning of things. Of life. Or existence. Is any of it real? Or is it all illusion? When we are sleeping, is that the real world? Or is it when we are awake? Are there other dimensions? Is there other life out there in space?

On the one hand I was this happy go lucky child that just loved life, but on the other hand, I could be very serious and be occupied by things that were way beyond me. And sometimes still are. I am at a point in my life where I don’t feel the need to know anymore, because part of me just knows.

But am I? Or am I not?

If you read my mind musings regularly or follow me on Facebook, you must know my biggest passion in this life is animals and nature, our amazing planet.

I get nature. I get animals. They are pure, they are simple. They are real. Yes, nature can be cruel in our eyes, but it is always fair. There is no senseless killing, and a lot of the more negative traits and emotions of humans are absent in nature. Or they have a real purpose.

So, I get nature. But I don’t understand humanity. I don’t even understand myself most of the time. What was I thinking signing up for this human experience?

I realise more and more that my lesson in this life is to just be. To accept. All that is. Accept myself. Accept my path. Accept my truths.

And I know I can be. Just be. Not be someone or something. Not be defined by any kind of label. In fact, I am happiest when I just am.

When I am in nature. When I am with animals. When I am traveling. When I am listening to music. When I sit in meditation.

I love and accept myself very much. When I am alone. The moment other humans enter my space, I start worrying if I am enough, if I do enough, if I love enough. Am I wearing the right clothes, I hope I don’t smell bad, are my teeth clean. What will they think of my boring hairstyle, and no makeup? And those clothes, come on. What if they start asking me what I do. What I have achieved. I can’t say that I just am, right? I should do something to be someone. Or have some sort of material or monetary status. I can’t say I want a humble life, in harmony with the planet. No, I have to dream big, I have to have goals.

But I do have them, dreams and goals. They are just not the same as for many others. My big dream is that humble life, in harmony with nature. My goal is to live a life where I can do with little or no possessions, little or no money (or a different kind of system, sharing for instance…), and above all not hurt this beautiful planet and the life on it. Yes, that includes humans. My goal is to live a free and independent life, to escape the modern-day slavery and addictions. To escape stuff and overconsuming.

I don’t like socializing that much anyway, because it is not easy for me, it never was. It is partly because I am sensitive and pick up anything that is off, even if I am not able to pinpoint what exactly is off. I sense that there are things unspoken, or people acting as if. I sense if there have been arguments, if there has been gossiping. Again, often I can’t pinpoint it, but it does make me want to turn around and leave. But most of the time I stay. And end up being drained, and off balance for days.

I then need to return to my alone-time, nature, animals. To make sense of it all again. To feel harmony. And I pick myself up again, just until the next contact with other humans.

It’s not always this way, sometimes I run into likeminded souls, my soul tribe, but I often feel that tribe is not that big. It’s one of the reasons I do love the internet. I can connect with them worldwide and not feel so alone in my quest on waking people up. But I have a love-hate relationship with social media. On the one hand, it allows me to connect with those souls, and I can try to create some awareness around animals and nature. And how important it is to take good care of the planet, our beautiful abundant home. But the other part of social media is the same for me as socializing in real life. I sense something is off. And that part wants me to get away from social media. Or the mostly negative news I try to avoid by not watching the news or reading newspapers finds its way into my life anyway.

So, I pull back again. And just want to be. Not doing anything. Just being.

Today I felt like it all was hopeless. My dreams and goals are impossible in this lifetime. I can’t avoid all this fakeness and negativity.

I am not naïve, I know about the dark sides of life and embracing every emotion. But the freedom to just be? It often feels like I was born at the wrong time. Because I do have visions of a different world. Is it a possible future? Is it a parallel dimension? Is it my imagination? I don’t know. They seem very real and vivid, these visions. However, they are miles off from how our society is now.

It is a time for standing up and telling our truth, but what does that mean exactly? I have loads of unfinished blogs about my values and how I think we should all live a sustainable life. So that the planet and the animals, and we, survive. And thrive. But I am hesitant on finishing or publishing them. Because I feel they might be judgmental and hurtful to some people. Although I don’t write things like that with certain people in mind, it’s more the principle I want to share, I do know some might feel hurt by them. On the other hand, what if they don’t realise what their behaviour causes to the environment, the animals, the planet, and even other people.

So, I don’t publish them. To not get judged. Or to not hurt people.

And I return to just being again. Letting it all go. Literally.

It’s time to focus on my own life right now, and getting it on track of my soul’s path. To finish my book, and get it published. To write all those other books that are inside of me. And maybe have the courage to finish those blogs and publish them.

And above all, just be. Just be.

Maybe you should try to just be some time, it is an amazing feeling.

Diana.

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